I WILL SELL MY SOUL FOR WHATEVER I CAN GET ON eBay! No seriously, if someone is willing to sell their life for $384,000, then I know I can at least get enough for my soul to pay off my credit card debt. Take this Australian guy Ian Usher for example. After a painful divorce he decides to put his life up for sale. Everything: house, job, friends, furniture, pets. Whatever this guy owned he offered it in one all-inclusive auction on eBay. After some bogus bids that reached over 2 million he settled for a price that was worth less than his house, $384,000.00. Seriously though, you can find anything on eBay, from someone’s life to a Rick James jumpsuit, complete with bloodstains. So, for your reading pleasure I have compiled a list of some crazy items currently being auctioned off on eBay.
1. Lucky Underwear .99 / free shipping
Nice, these underwear are even pictured outside the package. Oh but wait, they’re lucky, I’ll take them! Lord knows I need all the luck I can get since a gallon of gas became worth more than a nickel bag. And according to the caption, these lucky briefs have held the jewels of the seller’s husband, and she explains “He’s pretty lucky.” Whoever wins these fashionable holders of precious jewels will definitely be lucky enough to brag about this to their friends.
2. John McCain Pancake $12.55/ $4.80 shipping
I love IHOP just as much as the next twenty-something white male, but this looks nothing like the maverick I fell in love with in 2000. If he does get elected, I guess we now have a good idea of what he might look like on the back of a coin…a really large, soft, edible coin.
3. Ms. Sweet Potato .99 / $10.00 shipping
This picture is proof that Mr. Potato Head has potential game outside of being married to Mrs. Potato Head. We now know that there are other potatoes even more attractive and seductive to keep his little potato attention. This item was posted by a southern woman who was sorting potatoes and stumbled upon this curvy masterpiece. Here’s to you southern woman of sheer genius, I hope you are able to pimp out your potato for more than the current bid of .99 cents, because Ms. Sweet Potato’s curves will make anyone’s thanksgiving dinner the talk of the town.
4. J Crew pink t-shit 4.99 / $4.49 shipping
Ah, yes the classic eBay misspelling, or did someone finally admit that J CREW clothes are shit? Supposedly there is a whole eBay sub industry that has dedicated itself to finding misspelled items for less than their correctly spelled counterparts. Take Misspelled eBay Auction Finder Typo Buddy for instance, this site is dedicated to finding items that have been misspelled and helping you find them for way less money than their correctly spelled like items. For example you have retards that spell Nintendo with an extra i, so I used the site to find a Wii that was being bid on for $120.00 with 2 hours to go, if I didn’t already own one, count that NINT(I)NDO mine! As for this pink t-shit, I will spare this world the useless purchase of yet another graphic tee.
5. Big Toe nail $15.00 / $2.00 shipping
The audacity of some people to post crap like this on eBay! Do people like this lose bets? Or do they find it funny to gross us all out? Whatever the reason, we know the guy who posted this used to be the kid who ate his boogers in class to get attention from the girls. The caption for this item reads “for anyone looking for an interesting letter opener”…Now that’s just f@*$#% up!
6. Childrens Book: Ride a cock-horse and other rhymes and stories $3.00 / $10.00 shipping
EBay has allowed some pretty stupid people to buy and sell some pretty stupid things, but it has also brought us something that makes it all worth it. The chance to win items we want for less money. And I have wanted this inappropriate titled childrens book for years. Regardless of the highly inappropriate title I have great memories of reading this as a child. So if you are in the mood to ride a-cock-horse with your family then I encourage you to pick this one up.
7. Strange alien face found in gummy worm bag $2.00 / $3.00 shipping
I remember how much I used to love sour gummy worms, my favorites were the red and blue ones. You remember those? Anyway, eBay seller, reedsweeds, from Eugene, Oregon has some explaining to do. I typically only find alien faces in bags of gummy bears. I hate to be the one to do this, but this alien face is an obvious knock off of the more popular gummy bear alien faces. Nice try guy, I hope your power seller rating is deducted for this obvious fake.
8. Moose Nugget Earrings $10.99 / free shipping
For those of you who fall into the category of moose enthusiast, these are the perfect gift for you. Petrified moose droppings you can wear as earrings. This is real moose poo found in the Alaskan wilderness and brought to you by trendy LA / NY boutiques. Fashionable Feces, what will this Project Runway Generation think of next?
9. Antique High End Belly Button Lint $170.00 / $4.00 shipping
Power seller, chief5150 writes on this item that already has four bids, “You are bidding on antique, high end belly button lint. No, this is not my personal high end belly button lint. It has been in my family for many, many years. No one in my family can remember who’s belly button lint it was, but I can assure you it is high end and old.” Well as long as chief5150 can assure us that it is high end and old, then I’m all in! I am now convinced that there is a market for everything.
10. Giant Marshmallow $2000.00 / Free Shipping
Most likely, this giant marshmallow started off as a brainless, drunken idea with a group of friends at the local dive bar. You know how these ideas originate, people start talking about how good the 80’s were, then Ghostbusters’s the Movie gets mentioned, state puff marshmallow man and all, then the ex-high school football star of the group mentions how cool it would be to create a giant marshmallow, and before you know it the new guy in the group is rushing home to try to win the affection of the ex-high school football star. Poor new guy, he just doesn’t understand that the guy he is trying to impress always comes up with ridiculous ideas that never get followed through with, that’s what ex-high school football stars do best. Regardless, here’s to you new guy, my glass of 2 buck chuck is raised to you, the man who created the 25 pound marshmallow!
